Through The Flames
by xXstarryXnightXx
Summary: Even after his friends accept him as the son of Satan, Rin still faces his regret, fear, and disbelief. WARNING: Contains depression, suicidal themes, and strong language.
1. Chapter 1

**Rin**

If you should know anything before our story begins in my hellish life point as a teen right as my world fell apart, it's this beginning part of my life. I wish I'd been an orphan, I wish my brother had been anyone else's brother, I wish my old man didn't die all because of me, and I wish the most I had just been killed when I was young. As the son of Satan, I can testify that life is hell, even for half demons like me. No exorcist will ever really understand the choices I had to make just to keep breathing. Not even Yukio, Shura, Shiemi, Suguro, even Mephisto couldn't understand. No one could.

It's been a year since my old man die, Father Fujimoto. He died because of me, all because Satan possessed his body. All because of me, of course. When I started school, nobody but the exorcists knew about who I really was. Then, all my friends at cram school. Part of them I know hates my existence, part of all of them wishes that I'd just go away, and honestly part of me wanted to just drop dead to save the whole world the trouble of dealing with me. Sadly, no matter what, I somehow found a reason to stay around, to keep breathing.

Yukio didn't help much in that department; he made me feel like a total failure. Dying wasn't ideal sometimes, like in a battle, but when I'd go home, I'd tell myself I shouldn't have been fighting for my own life. To be honest, I wished I would really just die some nights. Some nights, I'd sit on the roof, looking at the city lights far away. Only during those moments did I feel like there was a something peaceful to be dead; to finally be free of life was enough to make me cry and wish I weren't such a coward. My friends... I guess they're my friends... Were there for me when I was ready, so I stayed, feeling sorry that I'd even think about leaving them when I was being selfish to even dare think such a thing.

Sometimes at night, I would feel as if I were being punished just for existing, not like it was my fault, but I was just something that didn't belong anymore. And some mornings, I couldn't even get out of bed without feeling worthless and pitiful.

"Rin, wake up!"

I groaned and turned away from the voice of my twin.

"Get up already, Rin!"

I opened my eyes and turned to face Yukio. He looked pissed, as usual. He asked, "Why aren't you up?"

I rubbed my eyes and said, "I overslept, sorry."

Yukio sighed and muttered, "Whatever, just get up."

I sighed and got up and saw Kuro on my desk, looking happy as usual. I said with a smile, "Morning, Kuro."

He yawned. _Good morning, Rin._

I stretched out as Kuro stared at me. I quickly tried to ignore his curious gaze. I knew he was wondering about something. I subconsciously crossed my arms and glared around. I found my uniform and got changed, trying not to waste any more time. I didn't need to feel like shit any more than Yukio and my "friends" did on a daily basis. That was the last thing someone like me could really need at that moment. I was nothing special, they should've just left me alone, but they didn't.

It wasn't my fault I was born... It wasn't my fault Satan was my father... But everything that went wrong was my fault. Even the slightest thing seemed to be my fault, and it really was my fault. Then again, wasn't it always this way to begin with? Rin Okumura; son of Satan; oldest twin to a guy who is nothing like him. That sounds about right, no?

After my old man died, all I wanted to do was die. I hated myself from the beginning, and ever since, it's only gotten worse. Do you know what the worst part about it is? I feel nothing but pain. I fear nothing because all my fears have happened, so why worry about them anymore? If it's going to happen, I should just let it happen. It's not like anyone would really care if anything were to happen to me; they'd be happy. Not even the strongest of demons scare me anymore because all I want them to do is die or to kill me. I fight so at least it looks like I give a shit, but I honestly couldn't care less about myself.

This world is not the problem; the problem is me. I protected the people I called my friends, even when I was almost killed by the Vatican numerous times. Did they care? Oh wait, they didn't know until the last few times and wanted me to die. Shiemi at least cares a little, or so I thought, but she just runs away from me. I can't blame her; I'd run from myself, but there's only one way to do it and it's a little hard for a half-breed like me to die. I threw myself of the building once; not a single broken bone. It's not like I tried too hard, I mean, it was just the feeling of having to die at that very moment, no time could be wasted. I thought about cutting off my tail, but hell, it may grow back anyways.

Instead, to counter the physical side of dying, I planned to kill my insides so it can't heal as easily as a broken neck or cracked skull. Then again, I wished my head had been cracked out so my brain could slowly leak out with the gallons of blood inside my body.

 **X X X**

While you may wonder what I'm doing just as a blather on, I'm just explaining my side of the story. I've got time so I wanna explain all of this. To you, dear reader, this is my tribute to you to not fall into the darkness that will consume you. Don't follow me down the path, you should lead your own far from this one that trails of pain and corpses of the ones before me who didn't escape.

"Okumura! Wake the up!"

I jerked up, awake from when Yukio yelled. He was pissed, everyone else seemed either uninterested or irritated. Yukio hissed, "If you don't want to be here SO bad, just leave."

I asked, "Wouldn't I be not learning either way, Mr. Okumura?"

His face turned a little pink. He hissed, "Either pay attention or get out!"

I laughed coldly and said, "I'll leave gladly."

I stood up and grabbed my stuff. I slung both my bag and sword over my shoulder and Yukio said bitterly, "Hurry this along, Okumura."

I said bitterly, "I'm so sorry my being here bothers everyone."

Yukio looked ready to yell at me. At that moment, Bon stood up and looked at me. He growled, "Can't you just get the hell outta here already?"

I didn't bat an eye as I walked to the classroom door. The moment my hand touched the knob, I realized someone grabbed me by the back of the shirt and I was thrown across the room, sliding across the floor. Yukio yelled, "Bon, enough!"

My vision was blurry as I looked up at him and saw the rage... No, hate, the hate in his eyes. He looked as if I were the most disgusting thing to ever walk the Earth. He barked, "What the hell is wrong with you, Okumura? What happened to defeating Satan?"

I didn't bother getting off the floor. I said with a shrug, "What do I really care? It's not like I'm much better than him it seems. Hell, all of you seem to want nothing to do with me. Why bother with it? You should do it; I'm just a half-breed with a red target on the back of his head. And what do you really care anyway? You're the one who wants to kill Satan. I don't really give a shit anymore."

Bon growled in rage as he picked me back up and slammed me into the wall, causing the entire class to gasp and watch in horror. Shiemi looked ready to pass out, everyone else looked ready to run or do something but watch. Yukio rushed over and seporated Bon from me. Bon hissed, "If you're really the son of Satan and the guy we all know you are, you'd want to slay his ass! What the hell is wrong with you?"

I barked, "What's wrong with me? You told me to kill myself when you found out who I was! Don't play off being my friend unless you are, friends don't tell each other to drop dead!"

Yukio looked emotionless. Everyone in the room looked shocked, almost like they couldn't move. Shiemi said softly, "Guys, please don't fight."

Yukio said, "Rin, leave."

That pissed me off instantly. I said bitterly, "Oh, yeah, I forgot, half-breeds don't belong here. Not like you'd know anyways; you're human."

Yukio growled, "Enough!"

Bon grabbed me by my hair, but I didn't do anything to resist or stop him. I felt pain; it felt great. He asked, "Why aren't you dead then?"

I shrugged and said, "Eh."

Bon threw me face first into the door of the classroom and it flew open. I hit the floor and then the wall before settling on the floor. I didn't try to get up and Bon ran out and kept throwing me into the wall. Blow for blow, I took it. Eventually, about a minute later, Yukio got him back into class with my classmates in the hallway. Yukio starred at me in horror and asked, "Rin, are you okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Your head is bleeding."

"What about it?"

Yukio's face turned pale. He said, "You should probably get that bandaged up."

I shrugged. "It'll be fine. I'm half demon, remember?"

Shiemi ran over and asked softly, "Would you like me to bandage your injury?"

I looked at her and smile weakly. I said, "Thank you, Shiemi, but I'll be fine."

I turned away from them and said, "I'm leaving. See you later, Yukio."

After I left the Cram School, I went back to my dorm. I looked around and saw a bottle of holy water. Apparently, Yukio was making his own water bombs with it, so he hid it with his stuff. I sighed and walked into the bathroom where he had kept some painkillers from months ago that he forgot about. I also "forgot" they were there. I also "forgot" that I knew where they were. Oops.

I even got a few razor blades I had found and bought. When you have nobody and everyone hates you because you're the spawn of Satan, then you tell me how it feels to be worth less than nothing and more then a demon that makes everyone sick. The demon everyone wants dead; me.

So, let's think about this for a moment. I'm wanted dead more than alive, just as useless either way, and just as pathetic either way. Might as well just die, right? I suppose that is a good enough point, after all, who'd care anyways? I mean just as much either way, actually, I'd be worth more dead probably. Ha, ha, ha, let's see just how this turns out, shall we?

I climb the stairs to the very top of the abandoned dormitory and look as the sun starts to set. When I got up there, I brought my sword just in case I needed it. While I sat there and swallowed the pills three at a time, drinking the holy water, Kuro suddenly jumped onto my lap.

 _Rin, what are you doing,_ Kuro cried to me.

I said, "Nothing much, enjoying the view."

Kuro's eyes showed tears. He sobbed, _Why are you doing this?_

"Ask everyone at Cram School and the Vatican. You're better off as someone else's familiar," I said with a sigh.

Kuro begged, _Please, don't leave me._

I sighed and kept doing what I was doing. Kuro jumped off the building, running away, crying his heart out and his vocal cords. It wasn't like he could do anything anyways. What was he going to do? Go tell Yukio? Yukio couldn't understand Kuro; only I could. I hated breaking it to Kuro, but he was better off in a world without me, without being my familiar. I guess it was time he knew, it was better this way. The burning inside my body felt great, but hurt like hell. About thirty minutes later, I was almost done for. The holy water was still there and the pills were gone. I finally started with the razors on my arms, and they started healing moments later, so I ran inside and ran to the bathroom.

I went inside the tub and started filling the tub up with holy water. I had enough to lay in the tub and my body would start burning like hell. I laid in the water, realizing how dizzy and sleepy I was. This was it, it was the end for me. As I laid there and tried not to cry out in pain as my flesh burned and my inside burned with it, I realized just how fucked up I really was. While that was going on, I cut my arms open the best I could and my stomach and watched the holy water leave my wounds open and blood fill the tub.

I laughed and rolled in the pain as I realized I was finally going to be free, I was going to be free of this fucked up world and my fucked up life. I blacked out, laughing as I started slipping under to await my death.

 **X X X**

 **Yukio**

I felt bad about what happened in class, but Rin didn't care enough to stay awake in class. What was the point of him being there if he didn't wanna learn? After Rin left, I turned to Bon and asked, "Can you explain yourself?"

Bon growled, "He's a jerk, he doesn't care about being an exorcist, he just doesn't wanna get killed! He's Satan's son for Christ's sake! He deserves to die! He's a monster!"

I said bitterly, "I understand how you may feel about this Bon, however, Rin has a lot more on his plate than you think. He watched our father kill himself after being possessed by Satan and the Vatican keeps on him about him possibly being executed. I will not tolerate anyone disrespecting another student in this class or fighting in class. Do you understand?"

Bon grunted and said, "Yes, sir."

Shiemi asked, "Is Rin going to be okay, Yukio?"

I turned to her and smiled weakly. "Rin will be alright, I promise. He's just a little mad is all."

Shima yawned. "Well, can we get back to learning already?"

I answered, "Yes, now everyone go back to class," I paused, "Except for you, Bon."

Everyone went back inside the classroom, leaving Bon and I alone. I asked, "Is what he said true?"

"Is what true?"

"Did you tell Rin to kill himself?"

"Well, yeah, but he's dangerous," Bon said quietly.

I felt a bit of rage in my chest rise. Sure, Rin is reckless sometimes, but he means well. He just needed some training, and they didn't understand that. I said sharply, "If I hear that come out of your mouth, Mephisto will be informed and you will be punished. Understood?"

"Yes sir," he answered lowly.

Class continued as usual, minus Rin, of course. After a while, I had a bad feeling about how Rin acted earlier that day. Shiemi seemed to have the same feeling during class judging by the grim look on her face. There was something not right about that afternoon.

"Alright, class, you may go," I said with a straight face.

As the students rose from their seats, I heard scrapping coming from the classroom door. Everyone got silent as they heard it too and I ran to the door. I opened it and saw Kuro. He bolted inside and jumped onto my desk. Shiemi said with a smile, "Hi, Kuro!"

He hissed at her and growled at the class. I knew he wasn't happy about something. Rin wouldn't send Kuro to class for any reason; Kuro must've come on his own. I walked over and said, "Calm down, boy. What's wrong?"

He started meowing, looking distressed.

I got frustrated as the students crowded my desk. Shiemi said, "Kuro, shake your head yes or no when we ask you a question, okay?"

Kuro nodded. I asked, "Did Rin send you?"

He shook his head. I sighed. "Okay, are you here for a reason?"

He nodded. Shiemi asked with panic, "Is this about Rin?"

He nodded quickly. I panicked. "Is he okay?"

Kuro shook his head no. I felt the blood in my veins freeze. "Can you take me to him?"

Kuro nodded and Bon hissed, "That damn idiot must've got into a fight. We're coming with you."

I didn't argue as Kuro jumped off the desk running. I used my key to get us out of the Cram school. We ran for a while, trying to figure out what was going on or have an idea. When we got to the path to my dorm, I knew something bad happened. Kuro stopped by the doors to claw at it. I opened the door and ran inside. I yelled, "Rin! Where are you?"

No answer came.

I ran up the stairs with my students following, Shiemi was on my tail along with Bon for the most part. I searched our room, but he wasn't there. I had the students search the floor while I ran to the bathroom, just where Kuro was scratching. I started beating on the door, calling his name.

"Rin! Open the door!"

Nothing, not even a huff of irritation. The other students ran over as Kuro nudged me back as he turned into his bigger form. He pushed the door open with his paw and it broke down. He shrank down as we ran inside. When I found Rin, he was in the tub, out cold, lying in a tub full of blood. I reached into the tub and yanked him out onto the floor. He was covered in cuts on his stomach and both his arms. His school uniform as sooked in blood from the neck down. Shiemi screamed when she saw him. She summoned Nee and the others stood in shock. I yelled, "Everyone, go get supplies! Now!"

Everyone scrambled while Shiemi was trying to get herbs. I looked at Rin's skin, noticing the burns from his neck down. I knew what happened. He was in a tub of holy water. Shiemi told Ni to get her some herbs for the burns. I looked around and saw bloody razors in the tub and an empty bottle of painkillers on the floor. The others brought back bandages and other things. Shiemi and I managed to get Rin to puke in his unconcious state.

Shiemi was crying the whole time, everyone else looked horrified. I asked, "Did anyone call for medics?"

"No," Bon answered.

I said, "Good, we can't let the Vatican know about this or Mephisto."

"I already know," said a voice from the doorway of the bathroom. Everyone moved out of his way as he walked inside with a smirk on his face. He laughed at the sight of Rin. He said, "What an idiot. He actually tried to kill himself."

I growled, "How is this funny?"

Mephisto answered, "It's funny because you came here in time to save him. He's a fool. You NEVER let yourself be found if you're trying to die. It's a shame, he almost got away with it."

At that moment, Rin made a noise. Mephisto said, "Nice try, little Rin. You failed."

Rin's voice cracked to life when he said, "I'm sick of hearing those words come out of everyone's mouth."

I jumped as Rin opened his eyes. Shiemi started crying harder. Rin looked grim as he sat up slowly. He picked up his sword from the side of the tub and said, "Get the hell away from me."

I said, "Rin, calm down."

He looked ready to burst into blue flames. He yelled, "Get the hell outta here!"

I tackled him to the floor and yelled, "Who the hell do you think you are, trying to do this to us!"

Rin growled, "Like you give a damn! Like anyone gives a damn if I'm alive or not! I'm done being a failure and a monster!"

Something in my felt as if it were being pulled by a hook. Tears slipped out of my eyes without me thinking about it. I yelled, "Damnit Rin! You're my older brother, you're not supposed to leave me! Dad's gone, you're all I have left!"

Rin looked at me coldly and took out his blade. At that moment, his sword went straight into his chest. Mephisto gasped and everyone started panicking. Shiemi and I pulled out the sword and stopped the bleeding, but Rin kept fighting us.

"Rin, stop it!" I yelled at him.

Finally, moments later, Bon slammed his head into the floor a couple times, just to knock him out. I stared at him and he sighed. "Sorry, but he's better off unconscious than dead."

I nodded and Mephisto said, "This is interesting. Even the son of Satan has emotions. Who knew."

I glared at him and growled, "What the hell is wrong with you? Rin's dying!"

Mephisto shrugged. "He did this to himself, therefore, I don't care too much. Just make sure he doesn't die."

After Mephisto left, Shiemi and I got Rin to one of the empty dorm rooms to give him plenty of space, and also to keep a better eye on him. We called Shura and told her what Mephisto said. She agreed with him; the Vatican shouldn't know about this event and she'd keep it quiet. She was put in charge of looking after Rin when one of the other ex-wires or I didn't. I told her as much as I knew. Her face was grim as usual.

She sighed. "That idiot. But what can you expect when he's only treated as a demon. Rin is half human after all; it was only a matter of time."

I nodded and said, "Yeah, and it's my fault."

Shura scuffed, "No, it's not just yours, don't try to be the fall guy. We're all to blame, Yukio. He has feelings and he feels pain just like a human; I think sometimes we just all forget that side of him when we see his flames."

I knew she was right, but what could I do to help Rin now? He's barely alive after drinking and soaking in holy water, downing a whole bottle of painkillers, and stabbing himself. How do you fix someone who does that, not to mention is apparently a cutter? Of course, I can't really say I'd be any different if I were him. I was as human as I could be, and Rin is only half human. I was hard on him because I wanted him to do good things and turn into a good guy. What the hell was I thinking just ignoring his human side to begin with?

Shiemi walked back into the room with a towel in her hands. I asked, "Do you need any help?"

Shiemi shook her head. "No, I'm just here to make sure he's resting."

Shura cursed, "That lil' shit is a handful, I mean, jeez. If he was hurting, he should've said something."

Shiemi said quietly, "It's my fault, too. I should've tried to talk to him instead of just being too nervous. I wanted to say something, but I didn't know what to say."

I put my hand on her shoulder and said, "Don't blame yourself, Shiemi. It's okay, Rin's alive and he'll be fine as long as we don't let this happen again."


	2. Chapter 2

**Rin**

"That concludes our lesson for the day," Yukio announced with a neutral smile on his face. By the time I was able to stack up my books, I saw Shura enter the room and walk up to Yukio. I watched for a few seconds, noticing Yukio's face turn stern. He looked as if he were going to grab his gun and take off after a demon. I ignored them for a minute and continued to put my things away in my school bag. I had actually improved in school after the incident from a few months previous. The grades overall were looking great.

"Hey, Rin," Bon said as he walked up.

"'Sup?"

Bon asked, "Dude, what's with you? You've never been focused on class or cram school."

I shrugged. "I figure as long as I have a place here, I might as well make the best of it."

He smirked. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you actually cared about school."

I laughed. "Yeah, sure, whatever."

Bon laughed and clasped my shoulder. A voice said, "For all you know, he's been cheating."

Bon and I glare at Izumo. Yeah, nobody really got along with her at cram school but Shiemi and Yukio. I said calmly, "I don't cheat, Izumo."

She scuffled, "As if. You're lazy and don't do work."

Bon hissed, "Who asked you your opinion Izumo?"

She shrugged and smirked as she left with her nose in the air. Shiemi looked at me and then took off after Izumo. Bon huffed and said, "Anyways, what'cha doin' later?"

I shrugged and said, "Nothing much, just going for a walk later tonight."

Bon nodded and said, "Nice. I've got a research paper to finish up."

"Damn, that sucks."

He shrugged and said, "Yeah, well, it's gotta get done."

I grabbed my school bag and Bon left. "See ya, Rin."

I waved and walked towards Yukio's desk and turned towards the doorway. Before I could get out the door, Shura said, "Rin, wait!"

I froze and turned to her. I studied her face and Yukio's. Shura said, "We've got training tonight, remember?"

I sighed. Of course I forgot for the fifth time in a row. I rubbed the back of my neck and said, "Oh yeah, shit, I forgot."

She smirked and said, "You never change. Come on, let's see if you've actually mastered your flames just yet."

I walked behind and as she walked by. Yukio said, "See you at the dorms later, Rin."

I nodded. "Later."

"Rin, come on! We've been over this a hundred times. Light the five candles," Shura barked.

I focused on the wicks of the candles and tried again, but I only lit four instead of five. Shura has been working with me on different patterns and numbers of candles. We train a few times a week; not as often as before because I was improving. I'd been training on my own when I wasn't studying or training with Shura. I was doing great so far. This was just one of my off days, which I wasn't allowed to have at all.

"Dammit, Rin. Light all five," Shura said bitterly.

I was trying not to lose my temper. I tried again. This time, I finally lit all five. She let out a sigh of relief and said, "Thank God. Our lesson is over today."

I turned to her and asked, "Have I progressed at all since we started training?"

"You've improved, but don't get cocky. You've got a long way to go," she answered sternly.

I huffed. I'd never finish training at this rate. Hell, even if I could manage to do so, what was stopping her from keeping this up for years or months to come? Nothing was stopping her. I asked, "How much longer do I have?"

"If I had to guess, at least a year or two more," she said with a shrug.

Shura took a sip of the beer in her hand and I looked down. I heard muffled words coming from her mouth, but I wasn't paying any attention. It was getting me nowhere. Suddenly, I felt like just erupting into anger and rage. _Of course she'd say that. Of course I am still a fucking failure._

 _Why the hell can't I do anything right? What's wrong with me? Am I serious no better than when I did nothing but slack off?_ I thought with frustration.

Shura snapped, "Kid, are you even listening?"

I blinked, realizing I zoned out. I said, "Sorry, I zoned out for a second."

Shura huffed and said, "Look, get your act together and try not to get yourself killed is all I'm saying."

I shrugged and said, "Well, see ya later."

Before Shura could yell at me, I jumped off the roof of a building we used for practice. I landed on my feet with my sword put away and slung over my shoulder. I ran down the streets until I ran into the woods somewhere I didn't even know about. I started hitting a tree with all the anger and pain I felt. Yet, somehow, the tree barely stood and I still felt upset. I thought maybe I'd feel better, but honestly, I didn't know what else to do but what I always did. I lifted up my shirt and grabbed a piece of wood. To be honest, it wasn't new to me what I was doing was not normal or acceptable to anyone. But, you know, I honestly didn't give a shit.

Later that night, I arrived home at about eleven, my usual time when I was training really late. I didn't even think about eating dinner or anything. I just walked in and went to where Yukio and I shared a room. Yukio usually was there every night to make sure I made it home at all, or at least in mostly one piece. He wasn't, so I assumed he was off doing an exorcism. I went to our room and noticed that there was a note on the door.

 _ **Dear Rin,**_

 _ **I'm going to be out late, so don't wait up. Don't get into trouble and keep studying. If you need anything, just call or call Shura. Anyways, see you tomorrow.**_

 _ **-Yukio**_

I sighed. Great, he was gone again. Why the hell was the day so fucked up? Why couldn't I catch a break for once? I studied my ass off, did all my homework, and even worked hard at training, but it was never enough? I kept trying to think about things other than my complaints and general depressing and self-hating thoughts. The more I tried, the quicker I realized I couldn't resist anymore. I started thinking over and over again about all of it. My failures as a whole and what I'd done to the people I cared about.

 _I deserved to-,_ before I could finish thinking, I realized what was going on. I was sitting in the floor, not in tears, but just feeling as if I were going to or just had. I was gasping for air as I realize the knife in my hand was clean, but my arm was now bloody. I zoned out for what seemed like forever. I sat there and watched the blood run ever so slowly. The more I thought about it, the more it seemed like the blood was just a part of the surroundings. It wasn't really hurting as much as I'd hoped it would, but it was just enough for me to feel a little bit of something.

There was something that just didn't make me feel better that day. Usually, it would help me, but it had changed after what happened in the bathroom. It'd been about two months since I almost killed myself with painkillers and holy water. Yukio worried about me, and I knew it. He always worried when he wasn't being a pain in the ass. There was something that cut deeper in my chest after that for some reason. Nobody talked about it, for a while, everyone would ask me who I was doing, but out of respect, I guess they figured it was best not to bring it up as much as humanly possible. Thing sucked pretty bad after a while. Even though everyone started trusting me again, it seemed like there was still doubt in their minds. Hell, I can't blame them, who would trust the devil's son without a single bit of doubt in there mind?

Only one person ever could, and I killed him. Well, technically, Satan killed him because I broke my old man's heart and told him he wasn't my father. Of course I'd feel bad after doing it, but I didn't have the time to think about what I was saying. Ever since, I'd thought about it more and more everyday and felt more and more like shit about it all. What else can you do but proceed to become a depressed, bratty, monster? Well, to say the least, nothing good if you're like me.

After these thoughts all went through my head, I sat at my desk in my room, alone. I opened one of my drawers and felt around for my razor blade I had tapped at the top of it so Yukio wouldn't find it. I also remembered Yukio noticed that a kitchen knife was missing. I forgot that I'd taken it a while back, but after what happened, Yukio basically tore apart our room and found all my sharp objects. So, I had to learn how to hide things a bit more efficiently. I came up with the idea of tapping my pretty objects where you couldn't see them but could reach for them if you tried hard enough.

As I searched the razor blade off from the place I had tapped inside the drawer, I remembered what happened after I was able to talk. Shura and Yukio both smacked me on the back of the head and lectured me on how self mutilation was bad and that they'd check me regularly for weapons or injuries that looked rather suspicious. First off, my body heals almost instantly unless it is really, really fucked up. A cut on my hand heals in like two seconds, and my cuts heal in like five if I do a shallow job. Second, why did they have to take my pretty objects away? Hell, I have a demon sword, I could literally just stab myself. They didn't take me sword from me.

Anyway, as it turned out, my razor blade was gone. Shit. Either Yukio or Shura searched my desk for weapons again. I was going to get a lecture later for sure. This night, I felt like only doing just my homework, and I didn't have any big tests to study for, so it was perfect timing. I started on my homework for school at about midnight and finished at like two in the morning. I had just enough time to hide the knife I stashed away from the kitchen and almost get ready to sleep when Yukio walked in our room. I jumped and hissed, "Dammit, Yukio! Stop sneaking up on me!"

He laughed and said, "But it's entertainment for me."

I huffed and sat down on my bed across the room from his. I asked, "How was the mission you went on or whatever?"

Yukio said, "Just a simple exorcism. Nothing too hard, it just took a while to find where it was inhabiting."

I nodded and Yukio asked, "How was practice with Shura?"

"Eh. Nothing new," I said with a shrug.

Yukio put his bag down beside his bed and sat down on the edge of his bed. He looked at me with his aqua blue eyes that could pierce through a demon in a moment. He asked, "Finish your homework?"

"Yeah, I finished a little bit ago, actually," I answered back.

Yukio just nodded, and it seemed like he was forming something in that big head that was probably going to either rip me apart or make me wish it had. He asked, "So, missing anything?"

I looked at him, trying to play dumb but internally freaking out, "Huh?"

Yukio pulled out a plastic bag and threw it across the floor. I slid almost all the way to my bed when it stopped and my heart dropped. In a plastic bag, I saw three razor blades I had managed to hide away. It would seem Yukio had found all of them. He crossed his arms and sighed.

I said nothing, I just looked down.

He asked, "Still cutting?"

I didn't answer.

I looked up for a moment to see him not exactly pissed, but seemingly irritated and concerned. He asked, "Is there anything else I should know about?"

I shook my head and said, "No, that's everything."

Yukio said, "Nope, it's not. You sword."

My heart jumped out of my chest. I stammered, "W-What?"

"Your sword. Let me see it."

I got up and walked over to where I usually kept my sword and picked it up. I walked over to Yukio and put it in his hands. He put it on his bed and stood up. He gave me a sudden hug. Normally, I'd ask what the hell was wrong with him, but I already knew what it was. He let me go after a few seconds and said, "Rin, listen to me. I know it's hard, but you need to stop."

I felt the anger burn in my chest when he said that. I said, "Yukio, you don't understand. I can't stop."

Yukio said with a serious tone, "I know you can, Rin. You're better than this."

I lost it. I growled, "You don't know that! It's a lie!"

He looked shocked. I said, "I killed our old man, I'm a fucking idiot. I'm the son of Satan on top of all of it."

Yukio barked, "That was not your fault, and you know that! And you also can't help our mother chose to conceive with Satan!"

I felt a stabbing in my chest. He was wrong about me; he was so wrong. I stepped away and Yukio picked up my sword and handed it to me. I snatched it away from him and Yukio gasped. I turned away and he barked, "Rin!"

I turned to look at him and then realized he was looking at my arm. Shit.

"What the hell? What did you use?" Yukio demanded.

I said nothing. He growled and said, "This isn't over."


	3. Chapter 3

**Yukio**

Above all the things that seriously pissed me off, Rin lying was really what pissed me off the most. For whatever reason, he felt the need to lie to me. After what happened in the bathroom a few months before this point in our story, I tried to search for sharp things as much as I could. It was hard to come by time that Rin wasn't around long enough to search his side of the room and make it look like nothing had been moved. Mephisto and Shura both suggested that this was for the best considering that he soaked himself in holy water, stabbed himself with his own sword, ingested a whole bottle of painkillers, and even drank holy water. Shura told me that he wouldn't get better until after a while. It really sucks watching your sibling suffer that much, especially your older twin brother.

After finding all Rin's razors, I put them in a baggy and waiting for a later time to talk to him about it. Well, I didn't really talk, I just got upset and kinda yelled at him. That was uncalled for and I knew it, but what else was there to do? Maybe I was being too hard on him, but I was trying to stop feeling sorry for myself that Rin was a little pissed at me. I went to take a shower and tried to think about what to do for Rin. Everything I take from him will just cause him to get smarter about where he hides anything he uses to cut with. How am I supposed to deal with this? What would Dad have done?

Thinking back, Dad never knew, did he? Judging by how Rin acts now, this must've gone on for some time without anyone noticing. How could I have been so blind? After trying to fight off the thoughts of how much of a fail I'd been so far, I took a shower and cleared my head. Afterwards, I went to see if Rin was still in our room, but he was gone. I went to the kitchen and found it empty. I sighed and realized he must've been on the roof again, like usual.

I decided to give him some space and go do my homework considering it was the one night there was no call with my name on it. I had to take advantage of it and remember to take care of all my homework.

For a while, things seemed very different. Rin was back to the way he usually was around everyone; seeming generally content. Somehow, nobody could see through that lie but me. Everyone accepted him finally and they trusted him, so what was the problem? I clearly didn't see anything, or maybe it was because there was nothing to see. Could it have been possible that my older brother was finally losing his mind? No, there was no way possible, right?

I watched his behavior and came to the conclusion that maybe I was wrong. Maybe he would get better on his own. When I finally saw the scars on his arm were gone, I realized Rin probably had quit. It only took a few weeks, but he finally stopped. During class, a call came in about some animals being possessed. Naturally, we were called to go investigate. I explained to the class that these demons were ones that would take possession of animals and attack humans. Afterwards, I sent them out to deal with it while I went with Shura. She looked at all the students and then looked at Rin. She turned away and we finally started walking towards the edge of the woods down a path. Shura broke the silence after some time.

"Hey, Yukio, what's up with Rin? He's acting really weird," Shura said.

I shrugged and said, "That's just how he acts these days."

Her expression went dark. "That's concerning."

I agreed with her, but there was nothing I could do about it. She asked, "Has he been at it again?"

"Recently, no, not in the past few weeks as far as I can tell. I walked in on him not long ago," I explained.

She nodded and kept walking. We went into the forest and found no possessed animals. Shura said, "Okay, this is weird. There are no animals around here."

After a moment, I felt some wind come from the hill alongside the path. We rushed towards the wind and then saw all the students on the ground. I wanted to run out and help them, but Shura grabbed my arm. I then saw Rin run at a deer with a huge set of antlers. He didn't pull his sword, but he did attack it with his sword in the sheath. When he attacked, the deer tossed him aside and charged at the other students. He went after Shima, and before that could happen, Rin got to his feet and intercepted the possessed animal. Shura and I ran forward to attack, but before we could, Rin had already thrown it across the clearing. Bon and Izumo had rose to their feet, along with Shiemi. Shima and Konekomaru were already trying to get back off the ground.

Rin didn't draw his sword, even though he knew how to use it. He got the upper hand and destroyed the demon without any help. Shura and I walked over and Rin stared at us. He didn't seem surprised in the slightest, he just seemed to acknowledge us. I asked, "You alright, Rin?"

He nodded and said, "Yeah, I'm good."

Bon said, "Damn, that was close. Nice job, Rin."

Rin gave a slight smile as he walked over to Shima and Konekomaru when Shiemi did. I looked at Shura and she said, "Well, that one seems to be down."

I nodded and Shima said, "Well, we encountered a few others before you arrived. Nothing we couldn't handle, except for the deer."

Rin nodded and asked, "Yeah, but what the hell is possessing all the animals?"

Shura said, "It seems to me like a relic of sorts is causing all of this. Otherwise, I have no clue."

"Where did the animals come from? What direction?" I asked.

Izumo spoke up and pointed towards the trees straight ahead and said, "We saw a pond over there and they just popped out from around there."

Shura and I drew our weapons as we walked towards where she was talking about. The other students followed behind, ready to attack. When we walked through the trees and brush, we saw the pond Izumo was talking about. I also noticed several other animals in the surrounding area. I said quietly, "Alright, we need to find the source somewhere in that pond. I'll take care of the other animals."

Konekomaru and Bon said, "We got this."

Izumo summoned her familiars and Rin was ready with his sword he had yet to draw. Konekomaru and Bon rushed forward, causing all the animals around us to start panicking and attacking. I had them covered and so did Shura with her demon sword. Rin, Izumo, Shima, and Shiemi were covering wherever Shura and I couldn't. Bon and Konekomaru got to the center of the pond and started searching. Bon and Konekomaru seemed to be having trouble, so Shima went to help them. We were surrounded for the most part, but we had enough cover. After some time, they found a vase covered in mud and algae.

Bon threw the vase at a huge tree nearby and it shattered. When it shattered the animals started to look like animals again and not monsters. They ran off into the woods as we all gathered into a big group again.

"Ugh, I hate mud," Bon complained with his teeth gritted.

Konekomaru nodded and said, "Yeah, this sucks."

I let out a sigh of relief and said, "Well done, students."

Everyone grinned except for Izumo, as usual. Shiemi smiled at her and said, "We did good! Smile!"

Izumo rolled her eyes and said, "Whatever, we did okay."

Everyone ignored the unpleasant comment from her and kept on walking towards the small building we had created a portal in so we could go back to the academy. When the portal opened, everyone walked in, leaving Rin to go right before me. I walked through and we were inside the cram school. Rin seemed perfectly fine, like nothing was wrong at all. He was talking and joking around with the other students just as he used to be before they found out about his powers.

Shura looked puzzled and almost skeptic of the behavior, and I didn't blame her for being that way. When the students all left, Shura and I stood in the hall alone, both of us seemed to be on the same page before we even spoke.

"Do you see it?" Shura asked quietly.

I nodded. "Everything looks fine, more or less."

She asked, "What are you thinking?"

"For now, I don't know. I'll keep an eye on him the best I can," I replied.

By the time I got back to the dorm, I noticed Rin wasn't in our room. I put my bag down and took off my coat. I sighed and realized I'd have to go looking for him. I look around the dormitory and find that he was nowhere to be found. I went to the kitchen, but it was empty. It was weird, but Rin may have just been out with the others for all I knew. I called him, and he did answer.

"Hello?" Rin answered.

"Hey, where are you?" I asked.

"Having out with Bon and the guys. Why?"

I smiled warmly and said, "Just making sure. Anyway, don't be out too late, alright?"

"Yes, _Mom_ ," Rin mocked.

I laughed and hung up. I worried about my older brother simply because it was my job as his brother. I know, sometimes I worry a little to much about him, but he is my brother after all. It only makes sense to worry about him, especially after what had happened months before he started to show progress, and on top of all that, we had no father anymore. I think maybe that was what made everything start with Rin's mood and behavior. It was very possible and that was just a fact.

Things were just so different from what they used to be after Dad died. It wasn't like we ever had a sense of being normal considering Rin and I both had our secrets and our problems. I was an Exorcist in training at a very young age, and Rin got into almost unbelievable amounts of trouble. There was no real normal for us, but there was a home and we had a Dad at least. There wasn't much else for us, especially now.

Now days, just about anything is the new normal. Rin's habits were "normal" to him and it made no sense to me, but that's what happens when your treated and called a monster. I blame myself partly for that because I told him to die when he got his demon powers and Dad died. So, at the very least, I had a little to do with how he felt and how he dealt with those feelings. I'd read just about every book to try and understand, and I only got a load of textbook bullshit, but I understood for the most part.

Not like any textbook could explain any of what was going on in my brothers head.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Hey guys! Yes, I'm back and I'm sorry it took so long to update, but hey, I promise the next part will be up really soon. As for Meister's Never Tell, I'm working on it, but it's taking some time. Hope you guys enjoy the short chapter, I promise, the next chapter will be a full chapter.**

 **-xXstarryXnightXx**


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